Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
