our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
