I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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