I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
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Just took my morning after pill in the library
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
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Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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