if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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