Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
