On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
