She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize
