??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Just high enough for therapy.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
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