Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
