I could have mohawked her pubes.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I need moral support for this bender
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
