i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
