I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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