I can tuck mytits in my pants
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
