I think my vagina is haunted
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
