My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
