I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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