Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize
