I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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