were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
