"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
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It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
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Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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