i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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