ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
