I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
