Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
