you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
