I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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