Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
being pregnant is like rehab
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
