Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
