she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
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captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
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I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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