Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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