I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
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You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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