How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
