Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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