Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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