this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
