I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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