If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
