Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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