Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
