I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
