I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
