So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
