Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
