i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You can't motorboat a personality
dude i'm inner monologue high
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
