So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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