he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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