Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
These tits shall not be calmed
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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