I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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