??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You need a sexual gate keeper
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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