$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
