Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
