You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
