i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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