I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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