scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize