Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
