I need to stop coming to work sober
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
