Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
