i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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