Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
