How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
