hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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