Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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