she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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