I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
