i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
