Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
