he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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