I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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