Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
