Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
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