Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
