so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
