The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
