Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
