ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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